Ryan James Burke

Here are the pictures if you did not get the email. Yes he came today 5/24/2008. Julie will post the details when she gets a chance.

Coming soon!

So much to talk about, -oh- and time to do it!! I am now officially on maternity leave. This starts my second week of time to "rest" before baby comes. (Can you believe that I'm due in 5 weeks!) And I'm finding that I needed this rest more than I thought I did. I was planning on working at least two or three more weeks, but my OB wanted me to get more rest. Now that I'm "relaxing" at home, I feel totally wiped out. I think that I was just pushing myself at work and telling myself to suck it up and be strong. Now, I go to the grocery store and come home for a much needed 2 hour nap! I feel very out of my element and am not used to all this. I go to clean the bathroom, and end up taking 10 minute breaks inbetween the toilet, sinks, and mirrors. Since when does it take me 30-40 minutes to clean one bathroom?!?!? I keep my list of things to do as short as possible and in small steps so that I don't get too winded. It usually works, but sometimes I push myself and just finish a project (and then crash). I don't do that too often though- I promise- - really- - - seriously. Anyways, I don't care if you believe me or not, it's true. Seriously.

Anyways, I still have this little, wiggly, constantly moving, up in my ribs baby in a breach position. A what?! Yes, he is butt down and not making much of an effort to turn around. So for now the doctor plans on doing a c-section- I'm apparently not delivering him like this. :) (by the way- his feet are by his face--- in my right rib cage- yeah- not really comfortable, but I figure at this point no one is comfortable- whichever way the little bundle is sitting.) So, I'm going in for weekly checkups, and they watch his heartrate and do a mini ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid levels each time. I love my doctor, and although he is very laid back and calm, he also knows when to put a little extra concern and observation in use. I have one more dose of chemo before baby comes. (Yeah!) So my OB wants to make sure that baby is ok. Since I'm in the last month, he feels comfortable getting the baby out if there is any inkling of a sign of distress. So, I am in constant wonder of how the kid is doing, will he stay in or come out this week? Ah, the excitement! I've been getting the baby's room ready, and organizing and washing everything. In small steps of course, and with help. So I feel pretty good about bringing the newbie home- can you ever really be fully prepared? Bill is so excited he can barely stand it, but he's been asking me to have the baby early for about two months now. Silly daddy-to-be, I keep telling him to be patient and get sleep, but he can't help wanting to squish the baby NOW.

I had the most amazing baby showers. One at work and one for all my family and other friends. They were so fun and busy, and I was blessed beyond my wildest imagination. I was able to fully stock the baby room-thanks to everyone being beyond generous, and best of all I got to see people I love and celebrate the new addition! I was surprised- very easily by the way- with family visitors. Bill loves to surprise me and had one fantastic weekend of TWO surprises. His mom Tab and her husband Kent drove up from Arizona to see us and feel my wiggly baby bump. It was so fun to hang out with them!! Also My Aunt Rolane and cousins Cara and Riva came up too!! We were able to meet Lynnea for the first time and stayed up late talking all weekend.- well the girls did, not Bill. What great memories! I am so spoiled!

We also got our backyard put in. I still have to plant pretty things and trees and vegetables, but the yard is laid out and ready for planting. I may not get to it until fall, but for now, to look outside and see a real backyard is wonderful. I was getting sick of dirt and weeds. It's simple, and perfect for us! I am so thankful for God's blessings in my life. I feel like His peace and joy flood over me each day. Even something silly like a new lawn reminds me of His provision and beauty.

Getting ready for baby

Well, we are counting down the weeks until the baby's due date. 7 more to go!! It feels like we are doing well on preparing for the little guy's arrival, but then I think again and my list of "must haves" gets longer. Much like our list of potential names. . . No we have not fully decided on a name yet. We are getting closer, I think, but then again, in 7 weeks who knows what we'll decide. Everyone keeps saying that we'll know when we see his little, wrinkled, gooey, purple face. But I think that we'll just have to pick one and not be able to change our minds at that point, which is honestly ok with me. Sometimes I need that kind of motivation to make a decision- you know the kind that says "do it now, and there's no changing your mind." I do well with some finality. Anyways, how cute is our bedding for little "Monster Ugandala"(as Bill calls him when we are pressed for a name right now-I call him monster on a daily basis, and Bill thinks Ugandala is hilarious.) Bill's mom, Tab, bought this precious set for us, and we were so excited to see it all set up, we unwrapped and washed and assembled everything the day we got it. I am getting bigger, and feeling bigger movements all the time. He is growing well, so my OB says, and I'll have another ultrasound tomorrow to check on his growth and happiness. I feel great, and praise God for the so far symptom free chemotherapy I've been getting. I'm used to my wig now, and most people recognize me at this point. Feeling tired is something that I think my big belly is producing even more than chemo, but it's been helpful cutting back to 3 days a week at work. Bill is great and working a lot, but he enjoys it (most of the time). For now we just dream of stocking up on formula and diapers, etc. Who knows how fast time will travel? Soon we'll have a sweet baby to kiss!

Hello Spring!

Well, hello to everyone anxiously awaiting my next entry. I'm sorry, I just don't find myself very interesting, and can't seem to blog about my everyday stuff. Which leaves all of you wondering if I'm still able to type. So, now you know I can still type, and will tell you all about my VERY interesting life. :)

I have received my second chemotherapy, and so far so good. I am very tired and need nap breaks fairly often-- but really, is it chemo or just bulging belly?? Probably a mixture of both, but my doctors, and husband, and family can all breathe a sigh of relief. I am cutting back at work and only doing three days a week until I go out on maternity leave. I KNOW I push myself too hard, and that I'm an overachiever, and stubborn. But I really felt like I could work more than that- apparently my body didn't agree. So, now I have more time to. . . sleep, I guess. Anyways, I am handling chemo very well. I haven't been sick at all, not even slightly nauseated, so yeah for good anti-nausea drugs! My hair is gone, as I knew it would be, and I only miss it a little. I donated my mid-back length hair to Locks of Love, and am getting used to the radiating glow from my super-white and bald head in the bathroom lights. I thought I was devoid of tan, but now compared to my scalp, my face looks like it has some color. Woo-hoo?? So, a cute new hair style with my wig is still fun -and easy to get ready in the morning.

We are putting in a backyard! So far just the patio is poured, but the rest will be done in about 2 more weeks. Then I promise to put more pictures on. We figured it would be nice to have it in before hot summer, and before busy baby comes. I'm looking forward to planting some fun stuff. I am not an expert gardener, but I like to play around, and don't do a bad job with flowers. The vegetable garden will be an adventure, the last time I tried one was a failure. Oh well, I just needed a new spot--maybe. I did well with the front yard, although putting bulbs in doesn't take too much of a green thumb. But look how pretty my tulips are. The daffodils already came and went-sorry I missed the photo-op. I love the colors of spring. Praise God for little joys like flowers, . . .and clothes that fit my belly.

I'm actually getting chemo!!

I can't believe that I now have chemotherapy in my body. I give it 5 days a week to other people, but never really thought about getting it. The experience actually was a pleasant one, as far as the atmosphere. God, of course, wrapped me in a hug and gave me peace, but I had great friends around too. We worked a half day for Good Friday and I started my treatment after work with just a few patients finishing up. My patients, by the way, are amazing, encouraging, and wonderful in every way. I got a lot of hugs. My coworkers gathered around right before my infusion and blessed me with anointing oil (never had that done before) and prayed for me. It was a very generous and touching gesture of friendship and love. One of the doctors I work for came in for part of the infusion, because he thought I "might want someone to hold my hand", which he did personally. Well, so far so good, and I'm praying it'll continue like this. I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning, and had to take a long nap yesterday. But besides the fatigue (reminds me of my beginning pregnancy fatigue), I'm doing well. Thank you for your prayers and love, I know that's what is keeping me so upbeat. God is blessing me every moment.
Just to cover "the plan", for anyone who might be wondering. I will get four treatments of this chemo. I get two drugs, Adriamycin and Cytoxan, along with anti nausea medication. I'll get these drugs every three weeks. If I stay on time, which I should, then I'll have approximately 5 weeks after my last treatment before baby's due date of 6/21. He might come early though. This is the chemo that has been tested safe for baby, but they have seen preterm labor and/or smaller birth weight (what was the downside to that again?!?) So he may not wait the whole 5 weeks to be on time. Oh well, I should still have a little time to renew my immune system before he comes, even if he is a couple weeks early. Then after I recoup from giving birth, (no idea how long that will be) I'll start two different chemo drugs, Taxotere and either Carboplatin or Cisplatin. I'll get four treatments with those and then I'll get 6 weeks of radiation, most likely once a day/5 days a week. So, now you know, whether or not you wanted to :). I plan on a cure. So does my doctor. Now we just have to pray for one. I know that God Almighty is in control. . . .and I'm very content in that knowledge. I love you all.

The new me

So, I've been getting used to my new figure. I love that baby bump, and am sooooo happy that people now recognize me as pregnant. If I hear "you don't look pregnant" one more time. . . Anyways, now I do -so HA! He (still haven't narrowed down a name) is remaining an active boy. "Kick counts" are something that expectant mothers do to monitor how often their in-utero baby moves. Yeah. . . lets just say, it would be easier to monitor when he's not moving and kicking in there. I love those reassuring bumps and squirms that let me know he's doing ok. Can you believe only three more months until we get to see his little, kissable face?!?!
What do you think? This will be the new (very Mommy-ish :)-don't you think? ) hairdo for my upcoming stint with chemo. I wanted a easy, fun, flirty, and different style. Might as well go out on a (short and straight) limb for my new hairstyle. Since I'll be bald for a while, a wig seemed to be the best answer. Kind of exciting to know my shower time will be cut in half, budget for shampoo minimal, and blow-drying my hair?- not for a while. Good-bye bad hair days, hair dye, and hair cuts!- I honestly think that I will miss my crazy curls, but they'll come back eventually, and then so will the length. For the meantime, I'll enjoy my new look and make the most out of it.

Update on life

Hi everyone, back in the computer room and no morning sickness! Most of you may already know a few of these updates from emails, but I wanted to give a quick update on the blog too. We are having a baby boy, due June 21. He is healthy and very active, and finally not making me sick anymore. I was wondering about the whole pregnancy thing for a while- do you ever stop feeling miserable? The answer is yes! However, just as I started feeling good again, I discovered a new twist.
A lump in my breast turned out to be cancer. Yes, you read me correctly. I'm 28 and have breast cancer. It has spread to my lymph system, but as far as we know, no where else. I had surgery on Feb.28 to remove the lump and lymph nodes. I am still recovering and tend to sleep all the time, thanks to my body being worn out and the pain meds I'm on. You would think half a pill of Norco(similar to Vicodin) wouldn't be that tiring, but for me it is. Baby is still doing great and he doesn't seem to mind my pain meds, still kicking me well into my naps and often waking me up from them.
Bill and I were able to go on a planned vacation to Las Vegas the few days before surgery. We had planned on Sunday to Sunday, but cut it short and came back Wed for surgery on Thursday. It was a wonderful trip involving a lot of eating, relaxing, shows, and walking of course. You cannot go to Vegas without a good pair of walking shoes- the casinos are huge. We debated about cancelling the whole thing, but thought that the get-away might do our mentality and relationship some good. God blessed our time -even in Vegas :)- and gave us a small break from reality.
HERE is where the new news is starting. My surgeon called me this week to let me know that they do not have to do more surgery for now. She got clear margins around the main tumor, and felt good about the lymph nodes she removed. I had 7 of 31 lymph nodes positive for cancer to some degree. They also were able to identify the specific type of cancer as something called carcinosarcoma. Guess what? It's really rare: less than 0.1% of breast cancers are this type. What is with our family and really rare? Anyways, the other name for it is metaplastic breast cancer. I don't know what all this means yet, she said my treatment should only change with more area being radiated as far as she knew. I have yet to talk to my oncologist about it. As soon as I get the drain out of my underarm on Tuesday, I'm hoping to recover enough to return to work the following week. I really hope I can, since being at home by yourself all the time is kind of boring,( or is it the major increase in sleep that's the boring part?) Then, as soon as I am healed enough from the surgery, I'll start chemo. I figure, the sooner the better, get it over with and kill the cancer, but the idea is still a little scary. The beginning plan was for me to have 4 cycles of chemo, and ta dah be perfect timing for me to have baby, and ta dah be perfect timing for me to start radiation. We'll see if all the perfect timing stuff actually works out. :)
In the meantime, life is as good as it can be. I'm in a minimal amount of pain from the surgery, and of course a little nervous about the future treatments, but God has kept me safe, sane, and at peace through it all so far. I'm relying on Him and am acutely aware of prayers being said for my sake. I feel extremely humbled by the outpouring of care, concern, and time my family and friends are showing. I praise God everyday for all of you and for His abundant blessings in my life.